Been there . . Done that . . . GOT THE T-SHIRT!
Phase 1 of my diabolical plan has been completed. I entered a race, paid my $30, got the t-shirt, donned an official racer's number and actually finished! My first official 10K time is just under 58 minutes, eclipsing my previous best time by more than 20 minutes. Rather impressive if you don't know the rest of the story. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Okay, fine! I'll TELL you the rest of the story, a la Paul Harvey. If you don't know who that is, you're likely unfamiliar with LP's, 8 tracks, rotary phones and life without VCR's. You're too young to have me explain it - and I hate you. A little.

I only ran 10K once before, and it was on a really hot day and after working for more than 12 hours outside. And there were hills - lots and lots of hills. Hence - 80 minutes to finish. This particular race course was in the Edmonton river valley, virtually flat and the weather was a fat-guy-friendly 15 degrees celsius withy plenty of cloud cover.

Anyway, I was happy with the result - finishing in an upright position, ahead of a few elderly folks and a nice lady pushing a stroller. (not a joke) I now know for certain that I need never concern myself with the notoriety associated with WINNING such an event. I came to this stunning realization as I passed the 3Km mark at what I thought was a fairly torrid pace. Now this particular course brings the participants to the 5Km mark and then heads back along the same route to the finish line - so the hares at the front of the pack cross paths with the tortoises bringing up the rear. As I said, I was gazelle-like as I entered my fourth kilometre of the day, feeling pretty darn special. In the distance I saw what looked vaguely like a small sports car with a yellow top coming at me at an alarming speed. I wondered who the idiot was that decided to go for a drive in the middle of a serious athletic event. As it came closer, I was horrified to see that it was a SEVEN YEAR OLD GIRL reaching the 7Km mark, and SPRINTING past me - her long blonde (hare) waving at me as she went by. Then came the 50ish guy, then the next, and the next and, well, you get the idea.

Crap.

Oh well, at least I had my cool running shades and spanky new running hat on to hide both my shock and dismay(tears). Bad names came to mind as my competitive nature kicked in, but I quickly came back to reality and remembered why I was there. Suddenly, a Grinch-like heartswell came over me and I proudly applauded every single runner that ran past me. Sounds goofy, but I truly admired their abilities and wished I had enough air in my lungs to tell them so. Hopefully at least one of them hears of this wish and tells all the others. I assume they are part of some genetic engineering experiment designed to create ultra-fast runners who humble fat people at small fund-raising events. On Sundays. In Edmonton. They would all at least have each other's Email addresses, so I'm sure they'll get the message from their controller.

That's enough for now. Suffice to say that I am quite satisfied with the race and I plan to run as many as possible before Rome in March. The Edmonton Marathon 10K looks possible, and maybe the one in September in Spruce Grove. I'm even considering the half-marathon in December in LAS VEGAS! Part of the race is on the Las Vegas Strip! I know it's quite a sacrifice to go all that way just for a race, but it's one that I'm willing to make. Just the kind of dedicated guy I am.

Til next time, I'm all in.

The Fat Guy

Thar she blows!

Just got back from holiday, and it was awesome! Cruised to Alaska, saw eagles, sea lions, seals and even whales! Then we got crabs in Ketchikan! I now know for a fact that Dungeness crab is by far the best tasting crab in the world. Doesn't even need butter - just suck it right out of the shell! Needless to say, I almost fell off the old diet wagon a few times. Keeping a disciplined diet and exercise regime on a cruise ship is next to impossible. It's in the proximity of extremely difficult and in the ball park with "wouldn't even wanna try". Mmmm, a ball park hot dog would be soooo good right now.

Anyway . . .

I somehow managed a few good runs over the last couple weeks, and even made some good menu choices at times while cruising Alaska and sweating in Kelowna. It was 38 degrees Celsius on the day I was to run, but I found the most wonderful recreation complex with a HUGE indoor running track! I paid my 2 dollar drop-dead . . uh, drop-in fee, and ran a full five miles. It was great. This was Canada Day weekend. Even on the lovely Coral Princess, I found a couple hours to train. In fact, my longest run to date was on board, in the ship's gym. Although it was on a treadmill, with no incline, I still ran 11 km without a break. Didn't even fall down afterward!

The rule of thumb on any cruise, which any travel agent is proud to divulge, is that you can expect to gain 1 to 2 pounds PER DAY on board. I'm pretty sure I failed the test, because all my clothes still fit on the last day of the cruise. I accomplished this feat primarily by NOT using the elevators (we had to walk plenty of stairs to get from our cabin on the 8th deck to the buffet on the 14th.) We also stayed active, doing plenty of walking ashore. I think I had a second helping only once or twice during the entire week, and chose the fat free dessert all but once when I chose to have one. Even still, my sugars were testing on average between 7.5 and 9.5, a couple points higher than usual. Shows how bad it COULD have been if I'd let it all hang out.

Picture this - in the dining room, you pick an appetizer, then a soup, a salad, an entre and a dessert. If you can't decide between any of three or four choices of each, they offer to bring you ONE OF EACH! In fact, we were witness to an incident outside one of the A la carte restaurants on board where a couple came out looking extremely full. Their waiter came running after them with three different desserts which he demanded they take. They politely refused, saying they simply couldn't eat another bite. The waiter looked like they had just kicked him in the privates - totally disgusted that they wouldn't eat more food! After a five minute discussion, they left with the desserts with an instruction to have them in their cabin for a midnight snack. How much did this cost? Nothing.

If you get the munchies a 2 AM, you simply roll over, get on the horn and order up a sandwich. No cost. Want pizza? Head up to the pool deck and eat all the wood-fired gourmet pizza you want from the pizzeria. Hankerin for a burger? Head up a flight of stairs (if you don't want to walk to the elevator) and grab a beef, chicken or veggie burger, a hot dog and heaping plate of fries at the burger bar. Then wash it all down with every beverage known to man. The drinks cost, but a guy's gotta stay lubricated, right? We ate mounds of incredible crab legs, pounds of succulent salmon and some of the best beef filet ever. I even had aligator. Tastes like chicken.

And now I'm back in the real world.


So, back to the grind. I just checked my fundraising total and I'm at $1240, with about $1200 more on the way from those who have committed to the cause. So far so good. If anyone is interested, check out the Taste of the Lakeland at Exhibition Park in Cold Lake this Sunday at 11:30, as I'll be helping out with a cooking demonstration and telling my story.

PS: Missed my run last night for two reasons - massive lightning storm and strained achilles tendon. Gotta avoid injury, and . . . well . . . being barbecued. Tonight is run night - rain or shine. See you on Lakeshore Drive. I'll be the sweaty one bouncing down the road.

The Fat Guy